Anniversaries are a good time to look back to see how far you’ve come and I’ve been doing a lot of that lately. Eleven years ago, I started Black Bee Creative, and a journey that changed my life in ways I never imagined.
I’m preparing to take my daughter to see Taylor Swift tomorrow (excited!), and her song “I Can Do It with a Broken Heart” from her latest album is going round and round in my head.
If you’re not a Swiftie, here’s a quick lowdown – the song is rumoured to be about Taylor being her awesome self, as she wrote her latest albums and performed every night on a worldwide tour while inside she struggled after having her heart broken by her ex.
Having to keep going despite it all resonates deeply with my own story.
How it all started
I’ve not talked about it much, but the person I was before Black Bee Creative was very different to who I am now. Starting the business was not part of a big plan, but a response to my circumstances. I’d moved from London, leaving my flat, my job and friends behind to live in Barnsley for a relationship which was now in tatters, and I found myself as a single parent. I was in therapy, battling depression, and on medication. Then the company I worked for part-time went into liquidation, and, just like that, I was unemployed too.
I was at my lowest point. Every day was a struggle, I was tired of life and felt alone and unsupported. My family and most of my friends lived hundreds of miles away down South, and I felt ashamed to tell people what was going on.
With no income and a young daughter who hated sleeping and going to nursery, I had to find a way to provide for us financially while also being there for her.
But motherhood (plus lots of therapy and an enlightening visit to a medium) taught me that I should trust my gut and that things will turn out ok, eventually.
I needed a job, but working for someone else meant full-time hours and therefore more time away from my daughter, so that was not an option. Flexible or home working wasn’t so much of a thing back then, so starting my own business seemed the only solution. Black Bee Creative was born out of a need to survive, but it grew into something I’m incredibly proud of.
Putting on a front
This photo was taken in 2014 and I was utterly miserable, but I don’t think you’d know that from looking at it.
In those early days, I felt Swift’s lyrics:
“I’m so depressed, I act like it’s my birthday every day” (because I wasn’t ok but acted like I was fine),
“I cry a lot but I am so productive, it’s an art” (because no-one else would, so I had to save us).
And now, 11 years on, I realise that “You know you’re good when you can even do it with a broken heart” (because I did!)
It was the hardest time of my life, but I persevered and I grew, and it made me who I am today. I am proud of the ‘old me’ for getting through it.
Is this a success story?
I don’t fit the traditional idea of ‘success’, in the way Taylor Swift does – I’m neither rich nor famous!
I define my success by my ability to balance paying the bills and having time for my daughter when she needs me. She needs me in different ways now, and I am so grateful to be able to support her while working for myself. Of course, life can still be hard but I keep going.
Eleven years on, I’m still the same Steph, but I’m more ‘me’. I’ve proven to myself how strong I am and I’m less worried about failure because I’ve already been at rock bottom and lived to tell the tale.
I’m happily married to lovely Nick and live with our crazy but happy blended family. I have a brilliant support network that I’m truly grateful for. I am also the Chair of the charity Creative Recovery because I know how much others helped me and I want to pass that on.
…and Black Bee Creative is still going due to my own hard work and perseverance.
As I look forward to the Taylor Swift concert in a couple of weeks, I’m reminded of how far I’ve come and how much I’ve grown. My journey with Black Bee Creative has been anything but easy, but it’s a testament to the strength and resilience I believe we all possess, even when our hearts are broken.